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Lifestyle

The blanket Term for the BDSM lifestyle

What Fire?

night and dayWhat do you do when the fire is only an ember?  I’ve struggled with this situation for close to 2 years. How does a slave be a slave when that fire that calls one to serve is all but burnt out? Duty, that’s how.  For quite some time that kept me hanging on, it was a band-aid while I watched the world around me live the life I could see but not touch.  Trust was in short supply as was my patience, and frankly most that was gone as well. Submission doesn’t come quickly for me, at least not normally. It’s a slow process that takes time, time that most do not want to take. They want it all and they want it now, especially in a virtual setting, and while they may have gotten my duty side, only a rare few got the chance to see the desire side and most of those only ended up tossing water on what fire there was.  All save One.

Funny, how just a simple moment changes how you see things and who you are.  Did I know the moment it happened, well maybe a little? Now, those that know me may say I have anger issues, or even that I’m ….forceful for a slave, or maybe even plainly state that I’m not a slave. These statements I actually take with great pride, after all, I also get told what a great slave I am. I am a paradox of sorts and then there are those that truly know me, that for some reason can just see into the heart of me and who I am.  And then there was the One that saw through the hurt and the pain, the anger and frustration that would well up inside me that I could barely contain and keep under wraps while I smiled at everyone else joking and making them laugh. The one that made me stop in my tracks and just look at him as he laughed when I was talking about smacking people with frying pans, and no I didn’t make a distinction between Free or slave when I was swinging it either…metaphorically of course, I was and am a good slave after all.

He would stop me and give me a hug out of the blue, and then tell me it was because I needed them. And damn if he wasn’t right, such a simple thing and it would bring me to tears.  I think everyone realizes that the weight they are baring alone maybe too much when a simple hug or kiss on the forehead about brings you down.  He never pushed, never questioned; he was just there whenever I needed. He gave me the time and space to come to him, and I did. Soon I came to him with everything any project I started any task I had completed. I wanted to show him; I needed to show him.  I lived for those moments when I could steal into his lap for a cuddle, when I could do something to make him laugh.  I could just be me, and he showed me over and over how much he loved me being me.

Does that mean that he didn’t change me? No, I have changed under his care; blossomed even. I remember now, what I was like in the beginning, when the life held possibilities and not so many dangers.  Do I still have anger issues….oh yeah, thankfully most of my anger issues are..*coughs* justifiable ones.  Am I still a forceful slave, with most everyone else, why yes, yes I am. Does he want me any different, nope, He likes it, he knows that I am safe when he’s gone and no one will take advantage of me or my slave status.

So what do you do when that fire is almost gone, do your duty. It doesn’t have to be your desire, but if you do your duty, serve your village, home, and family; somehow it will all turn around. Take the time to find one that truly knows how to restart that fire to serve within you. It’s here, it won’t die, even when you think it’s gone, under the right hand it will come back to life stronger than before, and you…and even your new relationship will be stronger for it.

No Limits Slave

 

“I’m a no limits slave.” There are few things that will make my eyes roll into the back of my head faster than that statement. Everyone has their limits on what they will or won’t do. Kids are usually on the top of that list and rightly so. Some will say that’s a “given” but clearly based on the number of pedophiles that circle society as a whole, it’s not really a given, and thus, a limit. There are also different levels to limits as well. And there are different “no limit” slaves.

 

The simplest “no limit slave” is the one that will say they will do anything, simply because they have no intention of following through with any of it. They just want to play an online fantasy and see how far they can “shock” people by what they will do. There is an inherent risk when dealing in the lifestyle as a “no limits slave” when people go about things in this way. As much as we would all like to think that we are safe and sound behind the keyboard, skype, yahoo or any other social network, the truth is we aren’t. You can be found and there is a danger that your no limits words could literally come around to bite you in the ass.

 

There is the “I trust my Master so I have no limits” slave. I can absolutely understand this feeling. The sentiment is wonderful. However, some limits are not about trust. Some are there from trauma that happened earlier in life. For those that say, well my Master would never go there because He wouldn’t want to damage me. Well, precisely, it’s a limit. Whether it’s one that ever is actually faced during play or not is irrelevant, it’s still a limit. I never had to use a limit with my Master; it wasn’t that I didn’t have them. I had them, but I never had to use them.

 

Yes, I have limits. Whether that makes me someone’s submissive or someone’s slave; well, that’s up to the Master or Dominant that I’m in a relationship with. I have limits that I know about, and I probably have even more limits that I don’t know about. *Masterly and Domly One’s have a very active imagination and I’m sure They have thought of all kinds of things I haven’t thought of yet.* I have more limits when straight out asked about things, and I have other limits I could be persuaded to do in the moment. I’ve had things that I thought would be limits; turn out to be nothing more than a passing thought in the moment. And some limits that the mere mention of will send me into a panic and I will break out in hives, really, not attractive.

 

One of my limits, nailing any of my bits to a board, nope, that is NOT happening. Now some will say that could fall under the “damaging” category. Well, not really, done right with a sterilized nail, any holes will heal just fine and may leave a very very small scar. Technically, one would be fine physically. But NO, don’t care. Reason it out anyway way you want to, no one is nailing my girly bits! I didn’t even like getting my ears pierced. Scat is another no way, no how, not happening, quite literally, you can keep your shite to yourself.

 

Other limits are situational. I have a few of those, crops and canes being the big ones. I have a really hard time with them. While I would like to expand my limits with them; they are two things that can instantly stop and limit play. I had a very abusive childhood and thus, it has left scars on my psyche. I’m better than I was with them, but they still are a major limit.

 

Then there are the “you want me to do what?” limits. The one that’s at the forefront of my mind with this one is watersports. Yeah, I so don’t think so. My logical brain screams NO fraking way. However, this is one I know that with certain parameters in place *REALLY CERTAIN PARAMETERS* I would be more apt to consider to because of my want to be pleasing. However, don’t really ask me what those parameters are, because my head is STILL screaming no FRAKING way!

 

There will always be those that say they have no limits, and they may have very few limits but they are there. Limits have really very little to do with how much you trust someone. Although, it’s a major factor in situational and pleasing limits, not all limits are trust based. I could have all the trust in the world for my Master, but there’s still no fraking way I’m letting Him nail my labia to a 2×4.

 

Being Complete

I am totally adequate for all situations. I am one with the power and wisdom of the Universe. I claim this power, and it is easy for me to stand up for myself. ~Louise L. Hay

It always amazes me how many say that they aren’t complete until they are in a relationship. I just don’t understand that mindset. I have my yearnings fulfilled in the right relationship, but I am complete without as well. The only one that can make you whole is yourself. I’m not looking for someone to “fix” me or to even complete me. I am looking for someone who fulfills me.

I am complete as I am. I can direct and guide my life just fine. I just don’t like it. In fact, some of my biggest mistakes happen when I turn control of my life’s direction over to another. Unfortunately, that impulse and compulsion to turn things over is hardwired into my being. It’s learning and working to accept that I am complete as I am now, without having that other person that’s been a challenge.

By knowing that you are complete and adequate without another, that gives you the inner strength and power to NOT be someone’s door mat. It’s not a statement that really needs to be said as it will shine through everything that you do. There’s no need to shout “I am submissive hear me roar.”

I am assertive, stubborn, outspoken, and opinionated. I get excited and passionate about ideas and beliefs and love good debates. I do not like personal conflict and can’t stand stagnation. If I see an issue, I like being able to fix it. There’s nothing worse than seeing a problem and being unable to do anything about it. It generally leads to endless frustration.