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Ebbs and Flows

I am flexible and flowing. ~I am open to the new and changing. Every moment presents a wonderful new opportunity to become more of who I am. I flow with life easily and effortlessly. ~Louise L. Hay~

There are parts of this that I do so well, and others that require more mental work on my part. I am very flexible and go with the flow on things. Moving from project to project, taking what works and moving forward, and leaving behind that which doesn’t. I flow like a river with little diverges here and there, but still in a basic direction.  But then, I hit a dam.

It’s those times that I have some severe issues. When things are going along swimmingly and then suddenly you hit that thing that blocks your path. Not being able to see the path ahead I eddy and swirl around the block indecisive of where I should go or how to get past what’s in my way.

I am a worrier and over analyzer. It’s not that I fail to act on things. Once I make a decision, I go through with it with determination. But, I try to look at things from EVERY possible angle. I don’t mind risks; most great things in life require one to take a risk. I just like to minimize the level of risk as much as possible.

I find myself in one of those eddies right now. And to be honest, it’s not even one that I’ve arrived to yet. It’s just one I see coming. A choice I’m going to have to make. I’ve reached the point there my path needs to diverge again soon. And I need to take into considerations just where my river will go.

I’m sure I will have some help to get me past this little divergence. In fact, it’s that “help” that’s the unknown quantity that is causing me to swirl around in the land of what ifs and what abouts. And honestly, it’s why I’m best when it comes to relationships that I turn those things over. I’m so not good at dealing with them. I can guide my way through the things life puts in front of me…I can do them all, but one, I am no good at guiding myself in relationships. There are too many variables to consider and my brain goes nuts trying to think of every possible scenario that could come up.

I enjoy my stability of being on my own, even while longing to be part of another. It’s easy to be good enough for myself and not let myself down, but when you add another person’s expectations and then your own expectations of what you should be to them…yeah, I generally don’t measure up at least within my own eyes.

I know what I need to do in those times. That’s when I need to turn things over and stop thinking so much. But for me, that’s so much easier said than done. And it’s bad when you know yourself that you’re over analyzing a situation that doesn’t even exist yet. Sometimes, you just have to force yourself to go with the flow. It’s NOT always easy, but it’s always an adventure. I haven’t regretted my adventures yet, and I don’t see me starting to anytime soon.

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