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I Will Not Fear the Darkness

fantasy107I am more than the darkness that surrounds me, for I carry a light within.

The light pierces the darkness like a beacon searching

My laughter will echo through the abyss making that light only brighter.

It lights my way back to the sun, to the cleansing rain, and the energizing wind.

I will walk with unfettered steps towards the world in light.

I shall not languish in darkness, for I am too bright.

My light will not be extinguished, for it serves many

Sometimes only in the abyss to we remember how bright our light can shine.

I will not fear the darkness, for it holds no power.

I will shine on

I will persevere

I am heart and soul

I am love and light

These things are me, they are who I am.

What Fire?

night and dayWhat do you do when the fire is only an ember?  I’ve struggled with this situation for close to 2 years. How does a slave be a slave when that fire that calls one to serve is all but burnt out? Duty, that’s how.  For quite some time that kept me hanging on, it was a band-aid while I watched the world around me live the life I could see but not touch.  Trust was in short supply as was my patience, and frankly most that was gone as well. Submission doesn’t come quickly for me, at least not normally. It’s a slow process that takes time, time that most do not want to take. They want it all and they want it now, especially in a virtual setting, and while they may have gotten my duty side, only a rare few got the chance to see the desire side and most of those only ended up tossing water on what fire there was.  All save One.

Funny, how just a simple moment changes how you see things and who you are.  Did I know the moment it happened, well maybe a little? Now, those that know me may say I have anger issues, or even that I’m ….forceful for a slave, or maybe even plainly state that I’m not a slave. These statements I actually take with great pride, after all, I also get told what a great slave I am. I am a paradox of sorts and then there are those that truly know me, that for some reason can just see into the heart of me and who I am.  And then there was the One that saw through the hurt and the pain, the anger and frustration that would well up inside me that I could barely contain and keep under wraps while I smiled at everyone else joking and making them laugh. The one that made me stop in my tracks and just look at him as he laughed when I was talking about smacking people with frying pans, and no I didn’t make a distinction between Free or slave when I was swinging it either…metaphorically of course, I was and am a good slave after all.

He would stop me and give me a hug out of the blue, and then tell me it was because I needed them. And damn if he wasn’t right, such a simple thing and it would bring me to tears.  I think everyone realizes that the weight they are baring alone maybe too much when a simple hug or kiss on the forehead about brings you down.  He never pushed, never questioned; he was just there whenever I needed. He gave me the time and space to come to him, and I did. Soon I came to him with everything any project I started any task I had completed. I wanted to show him; I needed to show him.  I lived for those moments when I could steal into his lap for a cuddle, when I could do something to make him laugh.  I could just be me, and he showed me over and over how much he loved me being me.

Does that mean that he didn’t change me? No, I have changed under his care; blossomed even. I remember now, what I was like in the beginning, when the life held possibilities and not so many dangers.  Do I still have anger issues….oh yeah, thankfully most of my anger issues are..*coughs* justifiable ones.  Am I still a forceful slave, with most everyone else, why yes, yes I am. Does he want me any different, nope, He likes it, he knows that I am safe when he’s gone and no one will take advantage of me or my slave status.

So what do you do when that fire is almost gone, do your duty. It doesn’t have to be your desire, but if you do your duty, serve your village, home, and family; somehow it will all turn around. Take the time to find one that truly knows how to restart that fire to serve within you. It’s here, it won’t die, even when you think it’s gone, under the right hand it will come back to life stronger than before, and you…and even your new relationship will be stronger for it.

Want to be a SecondLife slave?

Sarah Ellis, Sept 5 2008So you want to be a slave on SecondLife, well there’s two things you should realize you’re going to be doing a LOT of, IF you aren’t a private slave and even then you may still be doing a lot of at least one. Now, I’ve been on secondlife for 2 years now, certainly not as long as some, but long enough that I’m not completely wet behind the ears, and I’ve been in the lifestyle a hell of a lot longer than SL.  SL has it’s good point and it’s, omg please pass me a chopstick so I can poke out my eye moments, but one things sticks out glaringly for me and that is…the Free and the slaves have NO idea how to roleplay together.

One of the first things you will learn now to do is serving. And 98%of the time, this is ALL you will do, all day long. You will learn the beauty that is the 10 step serve that’s some made up BS back when html text was the rage.  While, yes there are bits pulled from this quote and that to back up each step, the context is missing on just what the slave was trying to achieve and yes, slaves have motives.  If there was a Master she had her eye on, she sure as hell was going to be overly flirtatious with her serve even with her caress and offering of the cup or kissing the side. And yes, I’m sure some slave wanted to show her dedication to her Master by placing the cup near her stomach, heart and then her lips…but most of the time, slaves got you your damn drink in your hand and moved on.

Now don’t get me wrong, serves can be entertaining, beautiful, or just downright funny as hell.  I’ve done some I’m quite proud of and had a blast writing them; however, having a receptive and interactive audience helps.   Sadly, for most of your wondrous creative writing skills all you’ll receive for your efforts is them taking the drink and telling you to serve the next person all in one line.  Yes, yes, I know…your just a slave and they are Free so they don’t have to even do that, ummm yeah, the avi is a slave, the typist isn’t, if you don’t want the typist to go on strike, put some damn effort into your response!!!  I’m not saying there needs to be a 10-Step receiving a drink rule, though I personally think that would be funny as hell. No, I’m talking about a little thought and interaction with the slave before passing them off to do another boring ass serve to have the same thing happen. You do realize the result of this, is slaves that just keep their ass’s in their owners home because the rp they get is tons of work for little payoff.  That and have you tried typing and typing and typing as quickly as you can for over an hour straight, damn, if your wrists don’t start aching.

kajira-danceThe second thing you will probably get asked to do is dancing.  Personally, I hate hate hate emoting my dances, for one, you can see my avi move, and two, it’s another mostly onesided rp.  Now, I will emote a dance if I’m FORCED to, and yes, there’s that forced into it part, some might have to force harder than others.  My Master for instance only has to tell me and I’ll do it…I may not do it quietly and it may be one annoyed ass dance, but slaves have emotions and are expressive. Okay, who am I kidding my damn ass would be on the sands quickly for him, but for others, yeah, kicking and screaming would probably be theway to get me there, or you know at the end of a whip, that would probably work as well. Some may say that I am not a slave if I don’t go without a hassle, that’s fine, but even forcing me on the sands is probably more actual rp I’ll get from dancing, than I would if I actually did the dance.

There are those that love love dancing. That to me is wonderful, they can type out and work things so it’s beautiful, similar to a fine chef preparing a meal.  They tell beautiful uplifting stories in their dances about the love and desire they have for their Masters and even the Free.  My dances, are not so uplifting, they tend to be brutal, painful, and downright sickening.  Yes, I have puked on the sands because of how nervous I was. Yeah, I’m creative like that when I get pushed. Most of the time, I don’t get asked to dance. But then…you just sit there….in the silence…..as it grows.

And then, your ass gets told to go do chores, now this isn’t chores that you actually get to do WITH anyone though they will tell you it is…it’s a pipe dream.  I generally have two good responses to that depending on how it is, one is why yes I do, and I run off to some corner and pick flowers or hell just watch clouds go by, I mean, if they don’t want me there to interact with I’m certainly not going to force myself upon them. Personally, with some Free, interacting with them should be considered a chore, some are just damn hard to talk to.  The other bit, which is rather fun is I will find a floor that needs cleaning, and bring out the bubble machine. Fill a tavern with enough bubbles and sooner or later they stop asking you to clean stuff.

Now, I’ve told you the good side of doing chores, yes that was the good stuff; what’s the bad you ask, well that would be the note carded chores.  Yes, as you’ve probably guessed, I hate these with the passion of a million burning suns.  In fact, I hate them so much that after getting great rp somewhere and going ahead and submitting to the village and then was told about them…I cried I was so angry. And of course I threw a little ooc this is bs fit.  My belief is that yes I may be a slave in rp, but notecarded stuff alone is not rp, and if you aren’t having the Free notecarding their jobs *ie, warriors walking around on patrol, blacksmiths actually making something* then it’s just taking unfair OOC advantage of an IC status.  Do many agree with me….well a few, does it matter, not a hell of a lot.  And as much as I may grumble about them and I’ve done some really pissed off rp doing notecarded chores, one being stacking would, I can toss cut would into a shed like no one else, I’m sure they heard the banging sound of the wood against the back wall of that shed through the whole sim…or at least the surrounding 80M of it.

On the flipside, I’ve had some great rp interactions with the Free.  Most tend to forget that slaves were a small part of the population; most Free still did their own cooking and helped with the cleaning and other duties of the household. I’ve had a wonderful rp of helping prepare and cook a meal.  Yes, I had to cut up things and basically act the sous chef, but it was interactive turn based roleplay.  I’ve done this making cookies, roast tarsk, and a bunch of other different items and meals and had a blast. I’ve told stories, let me tell you, want to have fun flips a Disney story and make it a gorean one, peter pan is one of my favorites to twist around, but most any would work; although, we did once again set up a turn based rp, you wanted the next bit of the story, then everyone had to post something in response to what was already stated.  Did it take a long ass time to tell the story, yes it did, but it also got EVERYONE involved.

A lot of the time, most just don’t know what to do.  My answer, take a slave to work day!!  Not only is this a good way to get to know the slaves around the sim, but it’s a good way to learn your chosen skill set. Some of course would already do this, but others maybe not, but anything is better than kneeling for hours or just getting drink after drink.

 

Choosing Your Reality

I claim MY own power, and I lovingly create MY own reality. I ask for more understanding so that I may knowingly and lovingly shape my world and my experiences. ~Louise L. Hay

 

It is amazing the power that one has to determine the reality we see. Whether is all doom and gloom, or sunshine and rainbows, how we choose to perceive the world can have a great impact on how we shape our lives and relationships.  I have always been amazed at the power people have to shape their lives and watching how some choose to use that power or the ones that don’t.  I am and always have been one to create my own reality, a day dreamer and constant optimist. It’s something that has been a part of me for as long as I can remember.

I work very hard to create the reality I want. I work on being the person that I wish to be. I work on remaining positive and being a positive influence on others. It’s not always easy to be the person you want to be. Sometimes there are sides of yourself that may not be so positive that want to rear their head. Those times are going to happen, but I feel it’s important to only allow those moments a certain amount of time before returning things to a more positive vein. To completely deny that other side of yourself and ignore it only teaches one to suppress that side, not control it.  It’s important to learn how to deal with all of your emotions so that when you are in a darker stage you still don’t do lasting damage to anything that you hold dear, be it in business or personal en devours.

Being more of an optimist, I tend to try and look on the bright side of things or if things are going badly, look for the things that happen to be going well. I look for the blessing in my life rather than all the negatives. I certainly could find plenty to bring me down and let it bring me down, but I don’t.  Honestly, I can’t. There’s too much good that I want out of  life, and I don’t want to miss it because I’m focused on the things that aren’t going well in my life.

Those who continually see things negatively tend to drive me crazy, and vice versa. They want to see the bad things, and I try to show them the good things.  It will probably always be a source of frustration; however, I can’t help being me anymore than they can help being themselves.

Sometimes the world really is what you make of it. I trying to make the best of my reality as possible. I have a good life. It may not be filled with riches, and it has more than it’s share of struggles, but I think I lead and amazing life.

What Are You Thinking?

 

It’s only a thought, and a thought can be changed. ~I am not limited by my past thinking. I choose my thoughts with care. I constantly have new insights and new ways of looking at my world. I am willing to change and grow. ~Louise L. Hay

 

So much of our world and outlook is reflected in the way we think. We mold and shape our attitudes by what we think. And how we think can be contagious. Whether, it’s the individual who can’t see the positive in anything, or that bright shining personality that rarely has a bad thing to say about anything; they shape the world around them.

 

Thoughts ARE contagious; which, is why it’s so important to watch out for the thoughts of those around you. If you’re constantly around those that put everything down and think negatively, soon, that’s all you will see as well. Thankfully, the opposite is true, if you surround yourself with positive people and maintain a positive attitude yourself; soon, your entire world will be brighter.

 

Having a positive attitude takes work, not everyone appreciates someone who tries to see a silver lining in situations. It’s so much easier to pass the negativity around and blame others for the situation, rather than take control of the situation and CHANGE it. Change takes work, change takes responsibility. It requires us to be accountable for our own attitudes. Few want to take responsibility over themselves and they sure don’t like being accountable either. They want someone else to “fix” it. Whether that someone else is the “government” or a new “relationship”, life would be so much better if *insert entity here* where around to do it.

 

If you are trying and working towards maintaining a positive frame of mind, it is going to take work. It’s going to take telling people to take their negative thoughts elsewhere. There’s a reason there’s the saying “misery loves company”, because misery breeds misery. Don’t let it get a foothold in your life.

 

Great things happen EVERYDAY, if you are thinking and looking for them. Revel in the small victories and miracles that abound in the life around you. Whether, it’s the beauty in a sunset, the laughter of a child…or the simple fact that you somehow managed to juggle an armload of groceries, while balancing the mail on your head, and fiddling the key into the lock to get into the house. Look at your life, smile, laugh, and ENJOY it.

 

No Limits Slave

 

“I’m a no limits slave.” There are few things that will make my eyes roll into the back of my head faster than that statement. Everyone has their limits on what they will or won’t do. Kids are usually on the top of that list and rightly so. Some will say that’s a “given” but clearly based on the number of pedophiles that circle society as a whole, it’s not really a given, and thus, a limit. There are also different levels to limits as well. And there are different “no limit” slaves.

 

The simplest “no limit slave” is the one that will say they will do anything, simply because they have no intention of following through with any of it. They just want to play an online fantasy and see how far they can “shock” people by what they will do. There is an inherent risk when dealing in the lifestyle as a “no limits slave” when people go about things in this way. As much as we would all like to think that we are safe and sound behind the keyboard, skype, yahoo or any other social network, the truth is we aren’t. You can be found and there is a danger that your no limits words could literally come around to bite you in the ass.

 

There is the “I trust my Master so I have no limits” slave. I can absolutely understand this feeling. The sentiment is wonderful. However, some limits are not about trust. Some are there from trauma that happened earlier in life. For those that say, well my Master would never go there because He wouldn’t want to damage me. Well, precisely, it’s a limit. Whether it’s one that ever is actually faced during play or not is irrelevant, it’s still a limit. I never had to use a limit with my Master; it wasn’t that I didn’t have them. I had them, but I never had to use them.

 

Yes, I have limits. Whether that makes me someone’s submissive or someone’s slave; well, that’s up to the Master or Dominant that I’m in a relationship with. I have limits that I know about, and I probably have even more limits that I don’t know about. *Masterly and Domly One’s have a very active imagination and I’m sure They have thought of all kinds of things I haven’t thought of yet.* I have more limits when straight out asked about things, and I have other limits I could be persuaded to do in the moment. I’ve had things that I thought would be limits; turn out to be nothing more than a passing thought in the moment. And some limits that the mere mention of will send me into a panic and I will break out in hives, really, not attractive.

 

One of my limits, nailing any of my bits to a board, nope, that is NOT happening. Now some will say that could fall under the “damaging” category. Well, not really, done right with a sterilized nail, any holes will heal just fine and may leave a very very small scar. Technically, one would be fine physically. But NO, don’t care. Reason it out anyway way you want to, no one is nailing my girly bits! I didn’t even like getting my ears pierced. Scat is another no way, no how, not happening, quite literally, you can keep your shite to yourself.

 

Other limits are situational. I have a few of those, crops and canes being the big ones. I have a really hard time with them. While I would like to expand my limits with them; they are two things that can instantly stop and limit play. I had a very abusive childhood and thus, it has left scars on my psyche. I’m better than I was with them, but they still are a major limit.

 

Then there are the “you want me to do what?” limits. The one that’s at the forefront of my mind with this one is watersports. Yeah, I so don’t think so. My logical brain screams NO fraking way. However, this is one I know that with certain parameters in place *REALLY CERTAIN PARAMETERS* I would be more apt to consider to because of my want to be pleasing. However, don’t really ask me what those parameters are, because my head is STILL screaming no FRAKING way!

 

There will always be those that say they have no limits, and they may have very few limits but they are there. Limits have really very little to do with how much you trust someone. Although, it’s a major factor in situational and pleasing limits, not all limits are trust based. I could have all the trust in the world for my Master, but there’s still no fraking way I’m letting Him nail my labia to a 2×4.

 

Ebbs and Flows

I am flexible and flowing. ~I am open to the new and changing. Every moment presents a wonderful new opportunity to become more of who I am. I flow with life easily and effortlessly. ~Louise L. Hay~

There are parts of this that I do so well, and others that require more mental work on my part. I am very flexible and go with the flow on things. Moving from project to project, taking what works and moving forward, and leaving behind that which doesn’t. I flow like a river with little diverges here and there, but still in a basic direction.  But then, I hit a dam.

It’s those times that I have some severe issues. When things are going along swimmingly and then suddenly you hit that thing that blocks your path. Not being able to see the path ahead I eddy and swirl around the block indecisive of where I should go or how to get past what’s in my way.

I am a worrier and over analyzer. It’s not that I fail to act on things. Once I make a decision, I go through with it with determination. But, I try to look at things from EVERY possible angle. I don’t mind risks; most great things in life require one to take a risk. I just like to minimize the level of risk as much as possible.

I find myself in one of those eddies right now. And to be honest, it’s not even one that I’ve arrived to yet. It’s just one I see coming. A choice I’m going to have to make. I’ve reached the point there my path needs to diverge again soon. And I need to take into considerations just where my river will go.

I’m sure I will have some help to get me past this little divergence. In fact, it’s that “help” that’s the unknown quantity that is causing me to swirl around in the land of what ifs and what abouts. And honestly, it’s why I’m best when it comes to relationships that I turn those things over. I’m so not good at dealing with them. I can guide my way through the things life puts in front of me…I can do them all, but one, I am no good at guiding myself in relationships. There are too many variables to consider and my brain goes nuts trying to think of every possible scenario that could come up.

I enjoy my stability of being on my own, even while longing to be part of another. It’s easy to be good enough for myself and not let myself down, but when you add another person’s expectations and then your own expectations of what you should be to them…yeah, I generally don’t measure up at least within my own eyes.

I know what I need to do in those times. That’s when I need to turn things over and stop thinking so much. But for me, that’s so much easier said than done. And it’s bad when you know yourself that you’re over analyzing a situation that doesn’t even exist yet. Sometimes, you just have to force yourself to go with the flow. It’s NOT always easy, but it’s always an adventure. I haven’t regretted my adventures yet, and I don’t see me starting to anytime soon.


Being Complete

I am totally adequate for all situations. I am one with the power and wisdom of the Universe. I claim this power, and it is easy for me to stand up for myself. ~Louise L. Hay

It always amazes me how many say that they aren’t complete until they are in a relationship. I just don’t understand that mindset. I have my yearnings fulfilled in the right relationship, but I am complete without as well. The only one that can make you whole is yourself. I’m not looking for someone to “fix” me or to even complete me. I am looking for someone who fulfills me.

I am complete as I am. I can direct and guide my life just fine. I just don’t like it. In fact, some of my biggest mistakes happen when I turn control of my life’s direction over to another. Unfortunately, that impulse and compulsion to turn things over is hardwired into my being. It’s learning and working to accept that I am complete as I am now, without having that other person that’s been a challenge.

By knowing that you are complete and adequate without another, that gives you the inner strength and power to NOT be someone’s door mat. It’s not a statement that really needs to be said as it will shine through everything that you do. There’s no need to shout “I am submissive hear me roar.”

I am assertive, stubborn, outspoken, and opinionated. I get excited and passionate about ideas and beliefs and love good debates. I do not like personal conflict and can’t stand stagnation. If I see an issue, I like being able to fix it. There’s nothing worse than seeing a problem and being unable to do anything about it. It generally leads to endless frustration.

Fan Giveaway!

Whoo hoo, it’s giveaway time. I have been so excited about being able to bring a giveaway to you.

First prize is going to be a collar!! that’s right one of my choker collars. With your choice of either the lock and key toggle clasp or a lobster clasp.

Second Prize is a Chainmaille BDSM Gorean Slave Bell Anklet

Third prize is a Copper Byzantine Bracelet.

 

There are a total of 220pts available.

  • 5pts Like Us on Facebook
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  • 5pts Tweet about the Giveaway *leave tweet url in comments*
  • 5pts Comment about an item you like from Aislinn’s Collared Designs
  • 100pts Blog about our giveaway *leave url in comments*
  • 100pts Subscribe and confirm by email to this blog *link to do so is on the left hand side*

Please be sure to leave a comment as to what you have done so that I may accurately award points. Drawing will be Monday January 23, 2012.

Have fun and get the word out!

 

Do You See Abundance?

I Prosper Wherever I Turn~I now see opportunities for abundance everywhere. I am blessed and prospered. ~Louise L. Hay

I am blessed with being able to see the opportunities ahead of me. I usually have four or five prospective projects in mind at any given time. I think it’s because I’m so focused on those positive opportunities that I rarely have time to dwell on the negative things that pop into my life. It is true that opportunities do abound if you are on the lookout for them.

This is not a skill I came to naturally. I had to learn to be open to it. It’s easy to dwell on the negative in life or to pass the blame   someone else for the life we led. It’s easy to forget that WE are the ones that lead our life there. Blaming others and the I can’ts are easy outs. We can wallow in fear because we don’t want to see the opportunities that are there. If we saw them, then we would have to take responsibility for not acting on them.

It takes great courage to not only see those opportunities but to pursue them. To pursue them requires risk and taking chances, there’s no stable foundation when you go after an opportunity. It’s an unknown, it could work or it could fail. It’s so much easier to not try. Better the fear you know than the fear you don’t. I can understand that mentality. I just don’t “get” it. Because, what if it does work; isn’t that worth the risk?

That last bit is what gets me hooked every time. What if it does work? Just stop and think about that for a moment. What if you had the chance to pursue one of those opportunities that you’re afraid to take on right now? I’m sure some will say that they can’t pursue those things because they have a lot to lose, okay, again I understand that. But what about what you have to WIN? And people DO win; simple ordinary people win every day and do extraordinary things. I want to BE one of those people. I don’t want to just exist, I want to LIVE and I want to be EXTRAORDINARY!